Can Your Relationship Be Fixed by a Sleep Divorce?

Although your “well-wishers” may sternly advise against it, not sleeping together or practicing sleep divorce may seem like a harsh bedtime split, but it has worked wonders for many.

TFD – Struggling with snoring or blanket hogging? Discover how a sleep divorce could be the key to better rest and a happier relationship. Couples like Suriti and Dipanjan have found that sleeping apart has transformed their nights and strengthened their bond.

Suriti, 30, and Dipanjan, 35, don’t share a bed. After Suriti married Dipanjan, she discovered that her husband had a snoring issue. The couple decided to sleep divorce after nothing else worked. After six months, they now declare, “We have never been happier.”

While we frequently assess our partner’s compatibility on various fronts in a relationship, sleep compatibility has never been brought up. It seems that getting a good night’s sleep has a big impact on your relationship.

Although many people have found sleep divorce to be therapeutic, it may seem like a brutal separation during bedtime and your “well-wishers” may strongly advise against it. However, initially,

Sleep divorce: what is it?

When lovers decide not to share a bed and instead sleep in separate rooms, it’s known as “sleep divorce.” Although it could appear to be a “trouble in paradise” scenario, it isn’t. Couples take this step when their ability to sleep together starts to deteriorate.

To get the most out of this practice, experts advise approaching it with an open mind and no preconceived notions.

Dr Sukriti Rex, a Canada-based lead psychologist and researcher at Evolve, says, “Sleep divorce refers to the practice where couples choose to sleep in separate beds or bedrooms to improve their quality of sleep. While the term ‘divorce’ might suggest a negative connotation, many couples find that sleeping separately can enhance their overall relationship by reducing sleep-related stress and ensuring both partners are well-rested. It’s important to communicate openly about this choice to maintain intimacy and emotional connection despite the physical separation during sleep.” Sleep divorce refers to the practice where couples choose to sleep in separate beds or bedrooms. (Photo: Unsplash)

Just remember that sleep divorce has nothing to do with your love or affection for your partner; rather, it’s a sensible solution to improve your sleep.

According to Dr. Shambhavi Jaiman, consultant psychiatrist at Fortis Healthcare’s Department of Mental Health and Behavioral Sciences, “Yes, sleep divorce is an option even if you’re in a healthy relationship.” It’s a workable way to enhance sleep quality without focusing on any underlying relationship problems, enabling both spouses to get enough rest and keep a solid, wholesome bond. But before doing so, you should consult a relationship counselor or sleep specialist.

Knowing what sleep compatibility is

The degree to which your partner’s sleep habits and yours coincide is known as sleep compatibility. It covers things including sleeping postures, surroundings, and scheduling. comparable to other types of compatibility, complimentary or comparable sleeping patterns can have a big influence on your relationship.

According to Priyanka Kapoor, a psychologist and psychotherapist at Garima Clinics in Mumbai, “People actually have different sleeping habits and demands in addition to having different personalities. Sleep compatibility is the ability of two people to share a sleeping space without negatively impacting one another’s quality of sleep, not only sharing a bed.

While some couples’ sleep cycles naturally synchronize, others could have disruptions that impair their ability to get enough sleep. It might be beneficial to address these problems through talking to each other and making little changes like getting a bigger bed or wearing earplugs or sleep masks. But for some, the only way to guarantee that both spouses get peaceful, uninterrupted sleep—sleeping in different beds or rooms—might be to embrace a sleep divorce arrangement, which would eventually improve their general well-being and relationship, says Dr. Rex.

When to end a relationship in bed with your partner

For many reasons, people in happy marriages and relationships may choose to sleep in separate rooms.

• Different sleep schedules: Suppose you have a graveyard shift while your partner has a different work schedule. It may become impossible to sleep in the same room where one person is continuously typing or engaged in a meeting.

According to a study, individuals who slept in the same bed as night shift workers experienced lower-quality sleep than those who slept with day shift workers.

You are familiar with how it feels to sleep too little. The smallest of triggers might make you feel annoyed and agitated. A lack of sleep can have a negative impact on your relationship, which is why sleep divorce occurs.

• Snoring or sleep apnea: Loud snoring or conditions like sleep apnea can disturb the other partner’s rest, leading to poor sleep quality. The partners with these problems can consider sleep divorce.
• Restless sleepers: If one partner tosses and turns a lot or has restless leg syndrome, it can interfere with the other’s sleep.
• Different sleep preferences: Preferences such as mattress firmness, room temperature, or light levels can vary, making it hard to find a compromise that suits both.
• Children or pets: If children or pets regularly disturb one partner’s sleep, sleeping in separate rooms might be a solution.
• Medical issues: If one of the partners has a medical problem (like a severe sleep disorder) that bars them from sleeping at night. Remember that episode from Modern Love Season 2 (The Night Girl Finds a Day Boy)?

A blessing for your relationship: sleep divorce

For those who struggle for a variety of reasons to sleep in the same room as their lovers, sleep divorce is a godsend.

When it comes to the advantages of sleep divorce, better sleep is by far the biggest benefit. Getting enough sleep is essential for maintaining optimal health as it improves mood, cognitive abilities, and general quality of life. Couples who sleep apart may experience better, more restful sleep by avoiding disruptions like snoring, restlessness, or differing sleep rhythms. Furthermore, sleep divorce might lessen the disputes that result from these disruptions at night, promoting more peaceful relationships during the day, according to Kapoor.

Celebrities who have spoken out about sleep divorce

After getting married in 2015, Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden share a bedroom. Nonetheless, in December 2023, Diaz stated that she wanted to “normalize separate bedrooms” for married couples in an interview with the podcast “Lipstick on the Rim.”

“I have my house, you have yours,” is how I would practically put it. The family home is located in the center. I’m going to go to my room and sleep. You retire to your quarters. “I’m okay,” Diaz declared. “And we can gather for our relations in the bedroom in the middle.”

Diaz retorted, “I’ve already said it,” in response to the hosts’ jest that she shouldn’t have voiced her opinion. By the way, my hubby is so amazing that I no longer feel that way. I stated that prior to being hitched. Cameron Diaz was vocal about sleep divorce last year. (Image: Getty Pictures)

Points to Remember

Sleep divorce doesn’t have to last forever; each couple may decide what works best for them. That’s according to Ritika Aggarwal, consultant psychologist at Jaslok Hospital and Research Centre in Mumbai.

“Couples may decide to sleep separate for a longer period of time or decide to sleep divorce for a brief period of time, such as when they are sick or likely to upset their partner, and then move back in soon they recover. The couple should attempt to resolve their problems (either on their own or with a therapist’s assistance) before making a decision, the expert advises.

She continues, saying:

• If the couple is considering sleep divorce due to a medical issue such as snoring or sleep apnea – the partner with the issue should get assessed and treated for the same. The couple can then re-evaluate their decision at regular intervals as the partner’s health improves.
• If the issue is related to sleep habits/ schedules, the couple can try to solve them by using eye masks/earplugs, adjusting sleep schedules, using separate bedsheets instead of sharing a double bedsheet, working on sleep hygiene, and so on. If the couple feels that it isn’t something they’ve been able to resolve over the years, they could consider visiting a therapist to help with their concerns.
• A sleep divorce should be taken only if the couple feels it will improve their quality of sleep, but not because they don’t get along with each other/are angry with each other about a certain issue. The intent behind the sleep divorce is important.
• If you feel you are not getting adequate sleep but are also unsure regarding going ahead with a sleep divorce, go ahead and give it a trial run before you make any major decisions. Also, remember, it doesn’t have to be permanent – if you feel it’s no longer working for you, go back to sharing a bed. If you don’t want it to be a daily occurrence, you can also consider creating a schedule.

Now for the drawbacks

It makes sense that there will be some terrible news involved with a sleep divorce. The good news is that it is manageable.

“Being in the same bed encourages intimacy and unplanned moments of companionship, which can be diminished while sleeping in separate beds. Dr. Rex notes that couples could miss the coziness of sharing a bed, having talks at night, and rising together.

Furthermore, if the decision to adopt sleep divorce is not conveyed effectively, it may result in miscommunications or feelings of rejection. Separate sleeping arrangements are also stigmatized by society, which can be upsetting or embarrassing. In order to ensure that they can still connect and sustain intimacy in their relationship, it’s critical that couples discuss these issues honestly and figure out strategies to make up for the time they spend apart while sleeping, she continues.

Sleep apart but remain united

Who knew that sharing a bed could make you closer? A sleep divorce might be the solution you need if your nights are being ruined by snoring and blanket hogging.