Shruti Haasan Reveals Kamal Haasan’s Relationship Advice: ‘You Have Grown Up So Much’

Actor Shruti Haasan has shared a piece of relationship advice from her father, veteran actor Kamal Haasan, that changed how she looked at a difficult personal situation. Rather than encouraging her to blame another person or focus on what had gone wrong, he urged her to reflect on her own response and find the answer within herself.

In a conversation with Galatta.com, Shruti, 40, spoke about how openly she communicates with her father and how his perspective helped her approach a recent emotional setback differently. His advice, she explained, was not about reacting to another person but about understanding herself.

The conversation also highlights an important distinction in Relationships: taking responsibility for personal growth does not mean accepting blame for everything that goes wrong.

What Kamal Haasan Told Shruti Haasan About Relationships

Shruti said she shares everything with her father, including experiences that leave her upset. Recalling a recent incident, she explained that she had turned to Kamal after something in her life affected her emotionally.

Instead of focusing on the other person’s behaviour or the circumstances, he asked her to consider how she was handling the situation.

As Shruti recalled in her interview with Galatta.com, he told her: “You have grown up so much. Are you going to act like this at this age? You have to find the answer.”

The advice encouraged her to pause and look inward rather than immediately reacting to the situation or assigning blame.

According to Shruti, her father did not tell her how she should respond to the other person. Instead, he encouraged her to question her own reactions and reflect on what the experience meant to her.

His words offer a different way of approaching relationship difficulties. While it is natural to feel hurt, disappointed or angry when things do not go as expected, taking a step back can help people respond more thoughtfully.

Why Self-Reflection Matters in Relationships

Relationship difficulties often lead people to focus on what someone else said or did. They may replay conversations, examine the other person’s intentions or wonder why they were treated a certain way.

However, psychotherapist and relationship breakthrough coach Delnna Rrajesh explained that this focus can sometimes leave little room for understanding one’s own emotional responses.

According to Delnna, Kamal’s advice challenges the instinct to spend most of our energy examining other people’s actions while paying less attention to what those actions bring up within us.

Self-reflection can help people identify their emotional triggers, expectations and habitual responses. It may also help them understand why a particular situation feels especially painful or why similar disagreements keep occurring.

This does not mean that another person’s behaviour is unimportant. Rather, it creates an opportunity to understand both sides of an emotional experience: what happened externally and how we responded internally.

For example, after a disagreement, a person might ask themselves why a particular comment affected them so deeply, whether an earlier experience influenced their reaction and what they would like to do differently in the future.

Such questions can encourage a more considered response instead of an immediate reaction driven by anger or disappointment.

Self-Reflection Is Not the Same as Self-Blame

One of the most important distinctions in relationship advice is the difference between examining personal behaviour and assuming responsibility for everything that goes wrong.

Delnna emphasised that self-reflection should not become self-blame. Emotional maturity involves recognising when our reactions need attention while also understanding when another person’s behaviour requires clear boundaries.

A person can acknowledge that they responded harshly during an argument without dismissing the original issue that upset them. Similarly, someone can recognise their emotional triggers without accepting responsibility for another person’s disrespectful or harmful behaviour.

The two ideas can coexist: people can work on their own responses while holding others accountable for their actions.

This distinction is especially important when relationship advice encourages individuals to look inward. Without that balance, self-reflection can become excessive guilt or an attempt to explain away behaviour that should not be accepted.

A more constructive approach is to consider what is within one’s control. This may include communication, emotional regulation, expectations and decisions about which boundaries to maintain.

The aim is not to take responsibility for another person’s choices. It is to recognise where personal choices can support healthier relationships and greater emotional clarity.

Why Similar Relationship Conflicts Can Keep Repeating

Another point raised by Delnna concerns recurring patterns in relationships.

Sometimes, people move from one relationship to another only to encounter familiar disagreements, insecurities or disappointments. Although the people and circumstances may differ, the emotional responses can feel strikingly similar.

Delnna explained that familiar fears, expectations and defensive reactions can remain even when the people in our lives change.

Self-awareness can help people recognise these patterns. For instance, someone who frequently expects rejection might interpret an ordinary delay in communication as a sign that they are being ignored. Another person may withdraw from difficult conversations because confrontation makes them uncomfortable.

Recognising such responses does not mean every conflict has the same cause or that one person is responsible for every problem. Instead, it allows individuals to consider whether certain assumptions or habits are affecting how they interpret and navigate relationships.

Reflecting on repeated experiences can also help people distinguish between a genuine problem with another person’s behaviour and a response influenced by previous disappointments.

Over time, this awareness may make it easier to communicate needs, question assumptions and approach disagreements with greater clarity.

Emotional Maturity Does Not Mean Never Feeling Hurt

Kamal’s advice, as described by Shruti, is not about suppressing emotions or pretending that difficult experiences do not matter.

Delnna noted that emotional maturity does not mean becoming someone who never experiences hurt, anger or disappointment. It involves learning to experience those emotions without automatically allowing them to determine one’s behaviour.

Feeling angry after an upsetting interaction is a normal emotional response. What matters is how a person chooses to act on that feeling.

For example, someone who feels hurt may react immediately by sending an angry message or ending a conversation abruptly. Taking a pause can create space to understand the emotion and decide how to communicate more effectively.

This does not require ignoring the problem or avoiding a difficult conversation. Instead, it can help people address the issue in a way that reflects their needs and values.

Emotional maturity also involves accepting that uncomfortable feelings cannot always be resolved immediately. Sometimes, people need time to understand what happened before deciding how to move forward.

The objective is not to eliminate emotions but to develop a healthier relationship with them.

How to Practise Self-Awareness During Relationship Difficulties

Shruti’s account of her father’s advice points towards a practical habit: pausing to examine a situation before allowing an emotional reaction to guide the next step.

Here are some questions that may help during a difficult relationship experience:

1. What exactly upset me?
Try to identify the specific action, comment or event that triggered the emotion rather than treating the entire situation as one overwhelming problem.

2. What am I feeling, and why?
Naming an emotion, such as anger, embarrassment, sadness or fear, may help clarify what the experience has brought up.

3. Am I reacting only to the present situation?
Consider whether earlier experiences, assumptions or expectations are influencing how the current interaction feels.

4. What part of this situation is within my control?
Personal responses, communication and boundaries may be within one’s control, while another person’s choices are not.

5. Is a boundary needed?
Self-reflection should not prevent someone from recognising disrespectful behaviour or deciding what they will and will not accept.

6. What would a considered response look like?
Once the immediate emotional intensity has eased, it may be easier to decide whether to have a conversation, clarify a misunderstanding or step away from an unhealthy situation.

These questions are prompts for reflection, not a requirement to find fault with oneself. If a relationship involves persistent emotional harm or abuse, seeking support and prioritising safety are more important than trying to resolve the situation through self-reflection alone.

The Bigger Lesson Behind Kamal Haasan’s Advice

The advice Kamal offered Shruti highlights the value of looking inward when relationships become difficult, without losing sight of personal boundaries or accountability.

As Delnna explained, the goal is not to stop holding other people responsible for their actions. It is to avoid making personal emotional growth entirely dependent on whether other people change.

That distinction can be useful in friendships, romantic relationships and family interactions. People cannot always control how others behave, but they can work towards understanding their own responses and making decisions that reflect their values.

Shruti’s account also illustrates how advice from a trusted family member can offer a different perspective during a difficult moment. Rather than providing a ready-made solution, Kamal encouraged her to ask herself questions and find her own answer.

Ultimately, emotional growth is not about blaming yourself for every painful experience or expecting yourself to remain unaffected by disappointment. It is about understanding what you feel, recognising what you can change and deciding how you want to respond.

That balance between self-awareness and accountability is the central lesson behind the relationship advice Shruti shared.